so i have always wondered exactly what i mean to you. exactly how much. because up until now it has been a battle. your emotionless words. your icy soul. the pain and ache inside as i try to work it all out. it hurts to look back and think about it all. so until now i thought i couldnt live without you. but i will try to move on and find some strength to go on without you. its going to be painful i think. im just so used to you being a part of my life and i know i will miss you. but have you really been there? and do you really understand what im going through?. i have taken the first painful step and that deep breath of deciding to leave you behind. but its even harder to tell myself to keep my head high and believe its the right decision to make. but the ache is starting to go away on its own and i know it will get better...in a lot of time from now. and you know what...sometimes you have to let go of someone to know if there is really anything there. i want you to feel the pain that i do and i want you to actually miss me. and tell me that you miss me and tell me how much i mean to you. i cant read your mind, you have to tell me. and you havent so far which is why i am walking away after all this time. while im walking away, i want you to know...you still mean everything to me. you are just not worth the fight anymore.