I Won't Let Your Memory Go...

I won't let your memory go because your colours they burn so bright,
Who knows, who knows what tomorrow will hold but I know that we'll be alright

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-'Gold Forever' -The Wanted'

Some Days Stay Gold Forever...

We're standing in a light that won't fade,
Tomorrow's coming but this won't change,
Cause some days stay gold forever.
The memory of being here with you,
Is one I'm gonna take my life through,
Cause some days stay gold forever.
-'Gold Forever' -The Wanted'

We Want To Cry But We Know It's Alright...

'Say my name like it's the last time,
Live today like its your last night,
We want to cry but we know its alright,
Cause I'm with you and your with me,
Butterflies, butterflies..we were meant to fly,
You and I, you and I..colours in the sky,
We could rule the world someday, somehow but we'll never be as bright as we are now.'
-'Gold Forever' -The Wanted'

With This Weight Upon My Heart...

Here I stand alone , With this weight upon my heart, and it will not go away.
In my head i keep on looking back, Right back to the start ,
Wondering what it was that made you change ....

Nothing's Changed...No one Can Take Your Place ♥

Well...it's good to hear your voice,
I hope you're doing fine.
And if you ever wonder,
I'm not strong without you.
By my side.

Lost here in this moment,
Time keeps slipping by.
If I could have just one wish...
I'd have you by my side ♥

I miss you.
I love you more than I did before,
And if today I don't see your face...
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place ♥
It gets harder every day.

Well...I've tried to live without you.
The tears fall from my eyes.
I'm alone and I feel empty,
I'm torn apart inside.
I look up at the stars...
Hoping you're doing the same.
And somehow I feel closer.

But it doesn't take away these words...
I really do miss you ♥

-Edited from 'Stay' -Miley Cyrus

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ｙｏｕｒ ｆｏｏｔｐｒｉｎｔｓ...Right Across My Heart ♥

I wrote this poem at about 3:30am-ish this morning...after one of the most terrifying panic attacks I have ever had. Writing seemed to make things better and I'm not sure where all this came from but this is what I wrote! It may not make sense to anyone but it makes perfect sense to me and this seems to have put everything into words. Most the time, I can't find the right words but, I just wrote all this down. I haven't written poem-like things like this for a while and it surprised me what I actually did write. But, here it is. If it doesn't make sense, please forgive me lol -it was 3am after all. I might do a Youtube video for this at some point.


ｙｏｕｒ ｆｏｏｔｐｒｉｎｔｓ...Right Across My Heart ♥

I can't remember the sound of your voice anymore,
I can't hear the way you say your words anymore.
I can't remember your eyes,
The only ones I could look into, are gone from me now.

I can't remember what safety feels like anymore,
The warmth of your embrace, gone from me now.

I'm left with emptiness, screaming inside,
For you to be here beside me again.
I'm here knowing you can't ever be there anymore.

I can't remember.
I've tried so hard to hold on to my memories of you,
So much that I've forgotten all the things about you.

But I still know your name,
I can see your words on the page but,
I just can't feel any emotion.

I can't remember you but,
I have never forgotten you.
I see a face on the page, but,
It isn't you.

I see a smile there too,
And once I swear I saw a tear.
Maybe once I saw you laughing,
I just couldn't hear the sound.

I can't remember you, but
I know all about you.
Part of me remembers everything I knew,
Part of me knows that I can't really forget about you.

I know you aren't here,
Somehow though,
I don't feel alone.
You were here with me once
And in a way I know, you still are.
I just can't hear your voice.
And I can't see your face anymore.

I somehow just know you are still there.
I can't see you but I can still feel your warmth,
And hear the things you used to say.
I can feel the security I used to feel,
Deep inside I know it is there,
Just like when you really were here with me.

Because I remembered something.
That footprints, they leave so many marks,
Yes some do fade but the others will always, always stay.
Yours are the ones that remain, but in a very different way.

Your footprints are right here with me,
I won't ever be able to see them but they are here.
With everything you used to say,
With your embrace and with your safety,
Here with your friendship,
The way you never left me.
I know now you are here to stay, even though really you're gone.

Because your footprints are always here with me,
Beside me or leading the way,
They are there.
Your footprints,
They remain...Right Across My Heart ♥

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ｙｏｕｒ ｆｏｏｔｐｒｉｎｔｓ...Right Across My Heart ♥ Video ♥

Video to go with the poem I posted yesterday...♥

I Wish I Could Give You My Pain...

Another poem I've written...I will do a Youtube video for this soon, like I have for the others.

I wish I could give you my pain,
So you can feel the things I do.
Just for one day.

I wish I could give you my eyes,
So you can see all the fears I do,
Just for one day.

I want you to walk in my place for one day,
To hear what I hear,
To see the world the way I do,
To be me just for one day.

Maybe then you would never leave me,
Maybe then you would really understand,
That it isn’t easy,
Being me.

I would walk right next to you,
So I could see what I am like,
I would walk away from you,
So you would know how that feels to me.

I would shout at you,
So you would know what that feels like too.
Then I would leave you,
Alone in crisis,
So you could feel my pain,
So you could taste my tears,
And then.

You would feel the scream inside,
Just like I do.

If you were to spend just one day as me,
All your colours would be taken away,
You would only see two.
If you were to be me for just one single day,
You would know then why I fear the things I do,
Why I am the way I am,
And why I always say I can’t live without you.

Why it hurts to smile and why,
It feels like weakness to cry.
You would know why I always say…

Please don’t leave me.

And you would know that even though I sometimes…
I think I hate you but really…
I never do.

And you would know why the smallest things,
Make so much difference to me,
How the smallest things are often forgotten so easily,
The few words to tell me I will be okay,
The few words that say,
I am never alone.

The grip of your hand,
Feeling safe and secure,
Just one day as me,
Your heart would hurt,
All your inside would too.

Just one day as me,
You would want to run away from being just like me.
Maybe you would learn something,
Maybe then you would always think about what you say to me,
Maybe then you could try,
And take my pain from me.

At least,
If you spent one day as me,
You could go back to being you again,
It’s not that easy for me,
I’m here as me all of the time,
For a lot more than,
Just one day.

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Would I Still Be Strong...Without You There? ♥

Another poem I've written...I will do a Youtube video for this as well.

Would I Still Be Strong...Without You There? ♥

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like without you.
Not if I lost you but if I had never met you at all.
What would my life be like, if I didn’t know you.
If I only saw your face or heard your voice,
If they had no meaning to me at all.

Would I here right now?
Would I still be strong?
Would I still be breathing…at all?

How would I get through each day,
If you weren’t there to get me through to the end,
Of each one?

Sometimes I think to myself,
My life would not be the same,
If maybe you never walked into it.
Your words would mean nothing,
Your face…I wouldn’t be able to recognise.

I would be alone maybe or maybe there would be someone else,
Standing there instead of you.
I really don’t think though,
That I could make it if there was someone else beside me,
Other than you.

I couldn’t live with someone there to replace you.

I sometimes pause, sit silently and think.
Did I walk into your life or did you arrive into mine?
Whichever it may be, I hope now that we’re in each,
That we won’t have to walk out of one.

I sometimes find myself wondering,
Will I always need you?
And what if one day you don’t want to know my anymore?
A long time from now,
Will we still be friends, like we are now?

I won’t ever know any answers but I have to say I’m thankful,
That I have you in my life right now.
And I have to rest on the thought that everything in life…
Happens for a reason.
That you were meant to be part of my life,
And I was meant to have you there,
To be part of yours too.

What will be,
Will be.
Because thinking that way stops my wondering,
Turning to worry and stops my thinking…turning to fear,
Fear of my life…without you there.

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Too Often.....

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

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Slow Dance

A poem that I'm sure you've read before. I was sent it a few weeks ago and thought it was a good one to post here.

"Have you ever watched your child
Smile on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see her sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over."

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My Eyes Await Your Return....

...I Miss You.

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Don't Forget About Me.

ｉ ｃｏｕｌｄ ｒｅａｌｌｙ ｕｓｅ ａ ｗｉｓｈ ｒｉｇｈｔ ｎｏｗ

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars...
I could really use a wish right now.

I could use a dream or a genie or a wish
To go to a place much simpler than this
What would you wish for...
If you had ONE CHANCE ?

ωну ωσυℓ∂ уσυ тαкє тнσѕє fяσм мє؟

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ᎳhᎬᏁ Ꭵ\'m ᎠᎪᏁᏟᎥᏁᎶ ᏆhᏒᎾuᎶh ᏆhᎬ fᎬᎪᏒ ♥♪♫

Can you see me now?
Can you hear me shout?
When I'm dancing through the fear
Will you catch my fall?
Do you know me at all?
It's like you never notice me.
♥♪♫ ᎳhᎬᏁ Ꭵ\'m ᎠᎪᏁᏟᎥᏁᎶ ᏆhᏒᎾuᎶh ᏆhᎬ fᎬᎪᏒ ♥♪♫

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

This poem I have re-written for on here although I know it's on loads of websites but I found this today. It was given to me when my horse, Star, died a few years ago. The person who gave me the poem said 'read it as if Star was saying it' -I know horses can't talk but...the poem meant so much to me then and it still does now.

"When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much left yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me.

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart."

Author Unknown

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I'd Gladly Lose My Life For You.

I'd gladly lose my life for you

If anything in your life is worth living for; trust one day you die for it
Something makes you smile so much; trust me one day you cry for it
And you can love someone without trusting them
Paranoid, but true to me

I'd gladly lose my life for you

If you weren't here I'd die, you are my life
When i'm not with you it feels like I'm not breathing, what I'm needing
If there was one thing that I lose
I'd gladly lose my life for you

I hope it never gets to that because,
It won't be a song that could get me back
I love the mentality, ride or die but I'd prefer if you stayed inside
The roads aren't safe for you, haters can't get me, they get to you

I'd gladly lose my life for you

If you weren't here I'd die, you are my life
When I'm not with you it feels like I'm not breathing, what I'm needing
If there was one thing that I lose
I'd gladly lose my life for you

If you are down for me, I'd be down for you
Make time for me, I'll make time for you
And don't lie to me and I won't lie to you
You can call it a bond, it's more than a song

I'm just keeping it cool
But I never make promises to you, promises come from a fool
I'll just give you my word
Because that's all that, I got, this feeling’s more than a lot
The money, the fame, my name, the game
If you disappear then everything stops, but still

You can love someone without trusting them, but you still put trust in me
I'd gladly lose my life for you

If you weren't here I'd die, you are my life
When I'm not with you, it feels like I'm not breathing, what I'm needing
If there is one thing that I'd lose
I'd gladly lose my life for you.

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*´¨`*• Leave Me Your Stardust To Remember You By

Ellie, another of my very special friends, made this video for my birthday and it's so beautiful -I love the song so much :-) How she got hold of all those video clips of me riding I will never know! lol! Thankyou soooooo much Ellie xxxx

Another Tami Video :-)

I found the 2nd video I wanted to post ages ago, it's another video by the amazing Tami Green who speaks about Borderline Personality Disorder...

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*•.¸☆¸.•*´¨`*•. Just Like A Star Across My Sky*´¨`*•

"Thankyou for all the times
you healed my pain
and calmed my fears,
so that I could face the world
feeling safe and secure."

I know I write quite a lot on this blog but I don't write everything on here. I just wanted to write a special thankyou to a very special friend, the person who is like a second mum to me...Lucy, is always there for me. She always knows what to say to make everything better & she is always there for me. There have been so many high and low times but she has been there through them all, never left me and always been my friend no matter what. She gives the best advice & I can tell her anything & everything :) I don't know what I would do without you there Lucy. Thankyou soooooooooooo much for everything xxxxxxxxxxxx
"The best friends in life are the ones that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little brighter and live a little better" :)
"Friendship isn't about who you have known the longest, it's about who was there and never left your side" :)
"True friends are the ones who know all about you.....and still like you!" :)


"Thankyou for all the times
you healed my pain
and calmed my fears,
so that I could face the world
feeling safe and secure."

It's Just The Way I Am

I'll put on a brave face, show you I can be brave, though I am dying inside.

I'll even smile for you, just so I can make YOU smile.

I'll tell you I am okay, even though I am so far from that.

I'll thank you with my eyes, lock the tears inside, hide behind the mask.

I'll do all that for you. Because it's just the way I am.
I'll do all that for you. Because after all these years, I owe you that much.

N.U.M.B

A video that I made this afternoon, instead of writing, I decided to do a lyric video. I just hope I can write on here about everything soon -the draft copies still aren't finished :/
But...anyway...I love this song. Diana Vickers - N.U.M.B [From the album 'Songs From The Tained Cherry Tree]

Look at the Stars...Look how they Shine for You ♫ ♪

I love this song & Diana Vicker's version so I made this....

Change the Name of BPD...

There is talk at the moment of changing the name of BPD to something similar to 'Emotion Regulation Disorder'. I think a name change is the way forward, BPD doesn't seem to 'fit' the disorder properly and changing the name would mean even better understanding & explanation of the disorder. Some people have suggested 'Rollercoater Disorder'! Which, I think, is the best name for it! lol!

But, anyway, the petition to change the name is here:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/Advocacy-for-Borderline-Personality-Disorder

And these are Dani Z's brilliant videos on her opinion on the name change, I agree with what she says so I thought it would be a good idea to post the videos on here for those of you who haven't seen Dani's videos on the name change yet:

Kayla Kavanagh

I would like you all to hear Kayla's song about BPD -called 'On The Borderline' and also watch her video about her experience living with BPD. Kayla sent me a lovely email today, thankyou so much Kayla :) And her song is brilliant, I think she is very brave to speak out about BPD and write a song about it too.

Kayla & BPD:


Kayla's Song about BPD 'On The Borderline'


Kayla's beautiful website: http://www.kaylakavanagh.com/
And her Blog: http://kaylakavanagh.blogspot.com/

So Lonely Without You...'

"It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone you don’t want to let go. But it’s more painful to ask that person to stay even when you know you can never make it work out the way it should be."

Tami's Say on BPD...

This is Tami Green's video that says it all so well about BPD & the subject of 'Tough Love'. What she says at the end is worded perfectly...'BPD is like a person having no skin, it hurts to be touched...' That. is just how it is.

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

Proposed title changes for Borderline Personality Disorder:

"One possible alternative proposed by Marsha Linehan, Ph.D (an expert in BPD) is Emotional Regulation Disorder. This term integrates a key component of BPD - Emotion dysreguation. Another term proposed is Emotional Processing Disorder.This last term better integrates emotional dysreguation and the cognitive dysreguation which is now thought to be a key factor in BPD."

-Extracted from: Target:David J. Kupfer Chair of the DSM-V Task Force .Sponsored by: The Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Campaign

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER -ANOTHER DESCRIPTION....
One of the best ones I've read....

"Individuals who match this personality disorder type have an extremely fragile self-concept that is easily disrupted and fragmented under stress and results in the experience of a lack of identity or chronic feelings of emptiness. As a result, they have an impoverished and/or unstable self structure and difficulty maintaining enduring intimate relationships. Self-appraisal is often associated with self-loathing, rage, and despondency. Individuals with this disorder experience rapidly changing, intense, unpredictable, and reactive emotions and can become extremely anxious or depressed. They may also become angry or hostile, and feel misunderstood, mistreated, or victimized. They may engage in verbal or physical acts of aggression when angry. Emotional reactions are typically in response to negative interpersonal events involving loss or disappointment.

Relationships are based on the fantasy of the need for others for survival, excessive dependency, and a fear of rejection and/or abandonment. Dependency involves both insecure attachment, expressed as difficulty tolerating aloneness; intense fear of loss, abandonment, or rejection by significant others; and urgent need for contact with significant others when stressed or distressed, accompanied sometimes by highly submissive, subservient behavior. At the same time, intense, intimate involvement with another person often leads to a fear of loss of an identity as an individual. Thus, interpersonal relationships are highly unstable and alternate between excessive dependency and flight from involvement. Empathy for others is severely impaired.
Core emotional traits and interpersonal behaviors may be associated with cognitive dysregulation, i.e., cognitive functions may become impaired at times of interpersonal stress leading to information processing in a concrete, black-and white, all-or-nothing manner. Quasi-psychotic reactions, including paranoia and dissociation, may progress to transient psychosis. Individuals with this type are characteristically impulsive, acting on the spur of the moment, and frequently engage in activities with potentially negative consequences. Deliberate acts of self-harm (e.g., cutting, burning), suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts typically occur in the context of intense distress and dysphoria, particularly in the context of feelings of abandonment when an important relationship is disrupted. Intense distress may also lead to other risky behaviors, including substance misuse, reckless driving etc.

Instructions

A. Type rating. Rate the patient%u2019s personality using the 5-point rating scale shown below. Circle the number that best describes the patient%u2019s personality.

5 = Very Good Match: patient exemplifies this type
4 = Good Match: patient significantly resembles this type
3 = Moderate Match: patient has prominent features of this type
2 = Slight Match: patient has minor features of this type
1 = No Match: description does not apply

B. Trait ratings. Rate extent to which the following traits associated with the Borderline Type are descriptive of the patient using this four-point scale:

0 = Very little or not at all descriptive
1 = Mildly descriptive
2 = Moderately descriptive
3 = Extremely descriptive
1. Negative Emotionality: Emotional Lability
Having unstable emotional experiences and mood changes; having emotions that are easily aroused, intense, and/or out of proportion to events and circumstances

2. Negative Emotionality: Self-harm
Engaging in thoughts and behaviors related to self-harm (e.g., intentional cutting or burning) and suicide, including suicidal ideation, threats, gestures, and attempts

3. Negative Emotionality: Separation insecurity
Fears of rejection by, and/or separation from, significant others; distress when significant others are not present or readily available

4. Negative Emotionality: Anxiousness
Feelings of nervousness, tenseness, and/or being on edge; worry about past unpleasant experiences and future negative possibilities; feeling fearful and threatened by uncertainty

5. Negative Emotionality: Low self-esteem
Having a poor opinion of one%u2019s self and abilities; believing that one is worthless or useless; disliking or being dissatisfied with one%u2019s self; believing that one cannot do things or do them well

6. Negative Emotionality: Depressivity
Having frequent feelings of being down/ miserable/ depressed/ hopeless; difficulty %u201Cbounding back%u201D from such moods; belief that one is simply a sad/ depressed person

7. Antagonism: Hostility
Irritability, hot temperedness; being unfriendly, rude, surly, or nasty; responding angrily to minor slights and insults

8. Antagonism: Aggression
Being mean, cruel, or cold-hearted; verbally, relationally, or physically abusive; humiliating and demeaning of others; willingly and willfully engaging in acts of violence against persons and objects; active and open belligerence or vengefulness; using dominance and intimidation to control others

9. Disinhibition: Impulsivity
Acting on the spur of the moment in response to immediate stimuli; acting on a momentary basis without a plan or consideration of outcomes; difficulty establishing and following plans; failure to learn from experience

10. Schizotypy: Dissociation Proneness
Tendency to experience disruptions in the flow of conscious experience; %u201Closing time,%u201D (e.g., being unaware of how one got to one%u2019s location); experiencing one%u2019s surroundings as strange or unreal"

I Miss You

..."I miss our talks, I miss you making me laugh, you were my rock, you were always there to make things better.. what happened? where did you go? I miss you..."

Without You...

I don't know what to say, anymore
It's all been said before
And I don't know where you are
All I know is you're far
And you're not coming back
If this is how it goes

I tried but I dont know....I don't know if I like it....Without You.

Tell me how I'm supposed to make it
Without you
So many tears, so much pain
Is this what it's going to be like now

I try and act like I'm fine but I will never be right...Without you.

The one thing I do know
That I'm so sure of
Because with you gone I'm lost
And I'm so confused, I cant deal with it anymore
Without you I can't see it, take this pain from me
So I can make room for you
Because you've been gone from me for too long

I don't know...

I don't want to be alone, I've tried but...
I don't know if I like it, without you in my life.

Maybe...

Maybe there’s a moment,
Growing up,
When something peels back...
Maybe...
We look for secrets,
Because we can’t believe our minds.

Death Can Seem Like A Dream...

When you don’t want to feel...
Death can seem like a dream
But seeing death,
Really seeing it...
Makes dreaming about it,
The worst thing that could ever happen...
I never wanted you to go.

I Will Never Know What It's Like To Be You...

I will never know what it’s like to be you
But...I know what it’s like to want to die
...How it hurts to smile
...How you try to fit in but you can’t
...How you hurt yourself on the outside
To try to kill all the pain on the inside.

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Walk Alone

One of my poems about having to move on, big changes in life and about trying to get through the fear of abandonment that is a huge part of Borderline Personality Disorder for me. It's about trying to be strong & walk alone without the people that I feel I need there with me.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQ0NoO9k43U

I walked away from the help that was there
Walked away from your open arms
Said goodbye to the security
Told you I’d be okay
What I really thought
What I should’ve told you

Maybe the pieces are gone
Help won’t be able to help me
So you won’t be able to either

I keep trying to tell myself that
It won’t hurt to go on without you
That the pain will
One day, it will
All go away

I can’t hold on to the fear of being lost without you
There will be times when
I’ll have to walk alone

I wish for better
I drown in all the regret
And the future holds fear
Never wanting to let go and move on without you

Told you I’d be okay
Everything happens for a reason
So if I fall and lose it all
It was meant to be
And I’ll still try to tell myself
It won’t hurt to go on without you

Hoping for the light to appear
Waiting for the time when
It will all be okay
So keep your head high
I will be fine

Walk on without me
Move on but keep the memories
I can’t hold on to the fear of being lost without you
It won’t hurt to walk alone

Because I’ll be back for you
So we won’t ever have to move on

Let Go, I Know You Will Remember Me

Another one of my poems. This is about the thoughts that I had when I wanted my life to end. But it does have two meanings as it is also be about letting go of someone you love if they have died...it's saying that you won't ever forget them. So, it could have 2 meanings.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xyz5xpsYH5M

I take myself to the place where it’s all going to end,
I look around,
There’s nobody there.
My mind in pieces,
My heart, still there…it’s beating.

Holding on so tightly,
Why am I still here,
What reasons do I have,
To keep holding on,
Not to let go.

I can feel the strength in my eyes,
I can feel the fear,
And the wondering…
What’s on the other side.

It’s time to let go…….it will be okay

If I run away, I’ll be followed,
So I have to go this way,
Don’t worry,
Because I won’t forget you
And all the times you’ve been there for me

I close my eyes,
My time has ended,
It’s my time to leave you,
Remember, I’ll still love you…
When I’m gone

Racing. My heart… I’m still with you,
Not gone yet,
But I’ll never be without you,
I’ll be right beside you,
When I’m gone.

Keep hold of my memory…I will miss you…

Why should I be here…..why should I go,
There’s no pain this time,
So let go…
Find freedom, find safety and live on…
In spirit with the ones I love.

Because one day I will see you again.

I’m here,
Waiting,
You’ve left me long enough,
No matter what they tell you,
You won’t be alone.

Let go………I know you’ll remember me

Remember That I’m Here

This is about what BPD is like for me...
Another poem I have written about Borderline Personality Disorder. It's not easy to try and put everything in words as it's really difficult to explain but this one is a bit simpler than my other BPD poem.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8m2bTPqUGfw

There’s never a day when I feel free,
Never peaceful, never how I want to be,
What you see, when you see me smile,
It’s hiding everything I really feel

There’s pain inside, all of the time,
Pain. Fear. Hurt.
Nothing has to happen for me to change,
Nothing has to change for me to feel so many different ways.

Time won’t heal me,
Sometimes I wonder why I even try,
As whenever I do, the fall takes away the healing,
And yet again I’m back to where I was before.

All those times,
All those pictures that hold bright, engraved memories,
There’s that smile upon my face,
It seems to be everything,
So why don’t I see the best things,
Only I see right through to who I truly know

If only the best times never ended,
Although I never want them to be here at all,
Sometimes I think the world of you,
Other times I don’t want to know you at all,
Although there are some people and some times when,
I would fall apart without you there with me.

Please don’t forget about me,
My deepest fears are that you’ll leave me,
That you won’t remember me,
That I’d take the fall and maybe one day…
I wouldn’t stand again.

Don’t let go,
I love you, I hate you but I need you,
Can you see me…do you know that I’m here?

Sometimes you know I’m around,
Although I really don’t know how to be,
What to say, regret and fear, worry and no truth,
What you see, it’s all lies,
Only I know the pain that I feel every day,
Those days that I am with you,
All that time I’m hiding away.

Sometimes, even if I seem to be okay,
You should know that sometimes…
I am so near to giving up,
I fall and my weakness shows

Every day this is what I face,
Pain. Fear. Hurt.
all the strength I thought I had… leaves me again.
Can you see me…do you know that I’m here?

The mask is flawless, a strong person stands there but…
I’m falling apart,
I have no reason,
Then I have no strength,
Only the two colours that I see,
Sometimes it’s all okay but I’m always reminded…
Never able to forget…

Don’t let go,
I love you, I hate you but I need you,
Can you see me…
Please don’t forget about me…

It feels like the weight of the world,
On my small shoulders,
So much to say,
It’s easier to stay silent

The times I run away…
I forget about all the people that are there,
The people that have promised me they will be there,
That they will never leave me,
I still fear that you will leave me,
That you won’t be around,
That you will let go of that tight grip on my hand.

All the times I say that I’m so sorry…
Think what it could mean.
Take care of what you ask of me,
Because I know that,
The end of life…has no pain at all.
So I have to let go…why does the pain have to stay with me…

Please don’t let me go…
It’s up to you to keep hold of me.
Remember that I’m here.