Saturday, 14 August 2010

With This Weight Upon My Heart...

Here I stand alone , With this weight upon my heart, and it will not go away.
In my head i keep on looking back, Right back to the start ,
Wondering what it was that made you change ....

Nothing's Changed...No one Can Take Your Place ♥'s good to hear your voice,
I hope you're doing fine.
And if you ever wonder,
I'm not strong without you.
By my side.

Lost here in this moment,
Time keeps slipping by.
If I could have just one wish...
I'd have you by my side ♥

I miss you.
I love you more than I did before,
And if today I don't see your face...
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place ♥
It gets harder every day.

Well...I've tried to live without you.
The tears fall from my eyes.
I'm alone and I feel empty,
I'm torn apart inside.
I look up at the stars...
Hoping you're doing the same.
And somehow I feel closer.

But it doesn't take away these words...
I really do miss you ♥

-Edited from 'Stay' -Miley Cyrus

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Monday, 9 August 2010

your footprints...Right Across My Heart ♥

I wrote this poem at about 3:30am-ish this morning...after one of the most terrifying panic attacks I have ever had. Writing seemed to make things better and I'm not sure where all this came from but this is what I wrote! It may not make sense to anyone but it makes perfect sense to me and this seems to have put everything into words. Most the time, I can't find the right words but, I just wrote all this down. I haven't written poem-like things like this for a while and it surprised me what I actually did write. But, here it is. If it doesn't make sense, please forgive me lol -it was 3am after all. I might do a Youtube video for this at some point.

your footprints...Right Across My Heart ♥

I can't remember the sound of your voice anymore,
I can't hear the way you say your words anymore.
I can't remember your eyes,
The only ones I could look into, are gone from me now.

I can't remember what safety feels like anymore,
The warmth of your embrace, gone from me now.

I'm left with emptiness, screaming inside,
For you to be here beside me again.
I'm here knowing you can't ever be there anymore.

I can't remember.
I've tried so hard to hold on to my memories of you,
So much that I've forgotten all the things about you.

But I still know your name,
I can see your words on the page but,
I just can't feel any emotion.

I can't remember you but,
I have never forgotten you.
I see a face on the page, but,
It isn't you.

I see a smile there too,
And once I swear I saw a tear.
Maybe once I saw you laughing,
I just couldn't hear the sound.

I can't remember you, but
I know all about you.
Part of me remembers everything I knew,
Part of me knows that I can't really forget about you.

I know you aren't here,
Somehow though,
I don't feel alone.
You were here with me once
And in a way I know, you still are.
I just can't hear your voice.
And I can't see your face anymore.

I somehow just know you are still there.
I can't see you but I can still feel your warmth,
And hear the things you used to say.
I can feel the security I used to feel,
Deep inside I know it is there,
Just like when you really were here with me.

Because I remembered something.
That footprints, they leave so many marks,
Yes some do fade but the others will always, always stay.
Yours are the ones that remain, but in a very different way.

Your footprints are right here with me,
I won't ever be able to see them but they are here.
With everything you used to say,
With your embrace and with your safety,
Here with your friendship,
The way you never left me.
I know now you are here to stay, even though really you're gone.

Because your footprints are always here with me,
Beside me or leading the way,
They are there.
Your footprints,
They remain...Right Across My Heart ♥

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your footprints...Right Across My Heart ♥ Video ♥

Video to go with the poem I posted yesterday...♥

I Wish I Could Give You My Pain...

Another poem I've written...I will do a Youtube video for this soon, like I have for the others.

I wish I could give you my pain,
So you can feel the things I do.
Just for one day.

I wish I could give you my eyes,
So you can see all the fears I do,
Just for one day.

I want you to walk in my place for one day,
To hear what I hear,
To see the world the way I do,
To be me just for one day.

Maybe then you would never leave me,
Maybe then you would really understand,
That it isn’t easy,
Being me.

I would walk right next to you,
So I could see what I am like,
I would walk away from you,
So you would know how that feels to me.

I would shout at you,
So you would know what that feels like too.
Then I would leave you,
Alone in crisis,
So you could feel my pain,
So you could taste my tears,
And then.

You would feel the scream inside,
Just like I do.

If you were to spend just one day as me,
All your colours would be taken away,
You would only see two.
If you were to be me for just one single day,
You would know then why I fear the things I do,
Why I am the way I am,
And why I always say I can’t live without you.

Why it hurts to smile and why,
It feels like weakness to cry.
You would know why I always say…

Please don’t leave me.

And you would know that even though I sometimes…
I think I hate you but really…
I never do.

And you would know why the smallest things,
Make so much difference to me,
How the smallest things are often forgotten so easily,
The few words to tell me I will be okay,
The few words that say,
I am never alone.

The grip of your hand,
Feeling safe and secure,
Just one day as me,
Your heart would hurt,
All your inside would too.

Just one day as me,
You would want to run away from being just like me.
Maybe you would learn something,
Maybe then you would always think about what you say to me,
Maybe then you could try,
And take my pain from me.

At least,
If you spent one day as me,
You could go back to being you again,
It’s not that easy for me,
I’m here as me all of the time,
For a lot more than,
Just one day.
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Would I Still Be Strong...Without You There? ♥

Another poem I've written...I will do a Youtube video for this as well.

Would I Still Be Strong...Without You There? ♥

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like without you.
Not if I lost you but if I had never met you at all.
What would my life be like, if I didn’t know you.
If I only saw your face or heard your voice,
If they had no meaning to me at all.

Would I here right now?
Would I still be strong?
Would I still be breathing…at all?

How would I get through each day,
If you weren’t there to get me through to the end,
Of each one?

Sometimes I think to myself,
My life would not be the same,
If maybe you never walked into it.
Your words would mean nothing,
Your face…I wouldn’t be able to recognise.

I would be alone maybe or maybe there would be someone else,
Standing there instead of you.
I really don’t think though,
That I could make it if there was someone else beside me,
Other than you.

I couldn’t live with someone there to replace you.

I sometimes pause, sit silently and think.
Did I walk into your life or did you arrive into mine?
Whichever it may be, I hope now that we’re in each,
That we won’t have to walk out of one.

I sometimes find myself wondering,
Will I always need you?
And what if one day you don’t want to know my anymore?
A long time from now,
Will we still be friends, like we are now?

I won’t ever know any answers but I have to say I’m thankful,
That I have you in my life right now.
And I have to rest on the thought that everything in life…
Happens for a reason.
That you were meant to be part of my life,
And I was meant to have you there,
To be part of yours too.

What will be,
Will be.
Because thinking that way stops my wondering,
Turning to worry and stops my thinking…turning to fear,
Fear of my life…without you there.
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